My hair is falling out, I have more acne than I know what to do with, my body is tense.
“Be confident in your decisions because whatever you choose is what is right, right now.”
I’m running, physically running, mentally running so I can achieve the endless goals in my head. My goals are to share my testimony throughout the world. (big, right?) I want to create a podcast, share my words in conferences or in front of audiences. I want to share some truth to what I believe.
I can tell you that I have never felt so mentally, emotionally, and spiritually drained. I had a prayer about this once. I felt the spirit prompt me that I will go through my life being drained in many areas but my testimony and faith will remain strong.
I want my faith to be strong. I want to be strong.
I have had the most stressed out last couple of weeks because I am trying to decide on where I am wanting to go with my career. Last night I had another panic attack where I felt like I couldn’t achieve what I really wanted to be doing.
I went to “bed” without sleeping worried about the way I am sharing my testimony, how I am raising my kids, me building my testimony, that my hair is starting to fall out, and my acne is worse than it has ever been.
I knew with the stress I have been having and my thoughts leading to my results that I am overwhelmed and not going the direction I want to be.
The direction I want to be going is by connecting and relating with all members in and out of my faith, through what they believe.
I think that one of the most beautiful things in life is how we can all believe in similar principles, values, and covenants but live them uniquely to each of our own perspectives.
Perspective of Truth
This evening my family and I have Family Home Evening about baptism and we talked about two people on the news. My kids and I asked who these two people were and my dad pulled these two women up on his phone. These two women share their thoughts and beliefs about what “truth” in society is. This is their opinion.
I was confused at first and asked my dad, “these women share the truth or they share their perspectives of the truth?” My dad replied, “each of us have our own truth within our own perspective, don’t we?”
At first I didn’t know if I believed that but after some thought I could see some truth in that.
Each of us have our own perspective in life. We each go through trials unique to us. We each experience results that grow us and can lead us to our own way of what we believe truth to be.
Truth can be through what we experience and perceive.
The meaning of Truth according to Wikipedia says, “Truth is also sometimes defined in modern contexts as an idea of “truth to self, “ or authenticity.”
I love the scripture, Doctrine and Covenants 6:15
15. Behold, thou knowest that thou hast inquired of me and I did enlighten thy mind; and now I tell thee these things that thou makest know that thou hast been enlightened by the Spirit of truth;
I love that because I know many instances in my life when I have been kneeling for prayer I have come across so much truth from what the spirit has enlightened me with. I also believe it is authentic and personal to each of us. What we know to be true through what the spirit manifests to us.
Enlightening of Truth
With the stress I have been experiencing, lack of sleep, and lack of confidence I have been having, I have been finding truth in my prayers.
Just minutes before this entry I was praying about my insecurities and why I am lacking in my confidence. I felt so weak and have had many tears today about this.
As I was pouring out my soul to my Heavenly Father I could feel myself start to feel another cry coming on. As I felt the first tear start to come I could feel the spirit say, “stop.” I took a deep breath and held back the cry to try and listen more.
I knew what the spirit said going forward was truth and authenticity for my soul.
“Why do you doubt yourself? You are doing what you are called to be doing. Being a mother brings you so much joy. Writing and expressing your words bring you so much purpose and joy. You are on the right path. Stop. Stop doubting what you know will strengthen you mentally, physically, and spiritually.”
I felt so much truth in this moment. It was an enlightening experience for sure.
I love when I hear stories like this from others as well. I love hearing truth or spiritual impressions that happen to those pleading or searching for answers through life’s questions.
Rejoicing in our victories
Recently, I listened to a Fireside on through the page, “Our Turtle House Digital Fireside” on Youtube. One of the guest speakers was Meg Johnson, which is a motivational speaker. She shares her story of how she became paralyzed after a hiking trip and now shares with many people how each of us can live without limitations. She is a great example and I love her story.
In this fireside I loved how she spoke about her mother. Her mother was there with her through it all after her hiking trip. She shares stories about how her mother is such a huge influence on her and the best thing her mother did for her was to not get in her way. Her mother, even though it was hard to watch her daughter go through something so horrible, wanted to not get in the way of her growth. The growth of what she would endure mentally and physically.
Meg’s mother wanted her to learn how to grow physically and mentally after her accident. She shared a story of when she was in the car with her mom going to a therapy appointment. Her mom got her in the car and Meg wanted to pull the visor down to look in the mirror. Her mother stood outside of the car waiting for her to get the visor down. It was so physically hard for Meg because her hands are also paralyzed.
When she finally got it down her mother got in the car and they both rejoiced for such a small but great victory.
I have no room to compare but lately it has been a small but great victory for me to be writing down my experiences. I have felt such a lack of confidence in my capabilities.
I knew in my prayer tonight that I received some witness that Heavenly Father, like Meg’s mother, knows how hard my trials are. He understands my suffering and rejoices with me in my victories.
I felt a little rejoicing tonight because the stress and lack of confidence I have been experiencing have been blocking me from what I am wanting to create and contribute. I am wanting to share the peace and growth I am having through my spiritual experiences in the home.
After two weeks of crying, emotional eating, hair loss, and acne, today I was reminded that my truth is unique to me. The promptings I receive from the spirit are unique to me. The relationship with my Heavenly Father is unique to me.
I will contribute differently and offer truth to others through my perspective and to me…that is a great victory. I feel confident in that.
Do you remember that one movie called, Split Infinity? The children that made a carnival in their small town in their barn? I vaguely remember it but the part I think about often in my life is the scene of a kid trying out a scary and not very safe ride at the top of the barn.
The kids made a wood plane at the top of the barn and put a rope from the top of the barn towards the trees at the bottom. It wasn’t tested very well but they decided it would be a fun, daring ride for those who came for the carnival.
One of the kids got on and was nervous. Everyone seemed to be nervous by the ride. As the kid got on and rode towards the trees into the dark, everyone else wasn’t sure if he crashed or was ok.
All of a sudden they saw him running in the shadows towards them and had a straight face. They all waited to hear what he had to say. He looked at them and smiled and said, “I have got to do that again.”
I loved that! I literally don’t remember any other part of this movie except that scene. I have compared trials and things I have been scared of in my life to it.
Live with our truths in confidence
I feel like there are times after I experience something difficult that I am the kid running back to tell my friends and family, this including my Father in Heaven, “I did it, let’s do that again.”
It’s amazing how the things we worry or stress about, the scary things in life are what we want or care for the most.
I have been feeling scared and doubting myself with my writing and my goals. Yet, I know with surety that my Father in Heaven is with me in this. He sees my capabilities. He encourages me to keep going. He knows that I have the intentions to do good.
I feel like at times, after this life, we will think, “I did it, let’s do that again.” But…with more confidence and belief in ourselves through the truth and authenticity we gain and grow from.
So, “stop” stop doubting yourself! Believe in your truth. Be enlightened by your prayers. Learn and grow through what you are capable of. It’s worth it…but keep the hair! Haha