It was a fast sunday yesterday and I have had so many things on my mind to fast for.
I wanted to fast for the world. I wanted to fast for some family members experiencing really hard times.
When I said my prayer that morning on what I should fast for I thought of my family. I could see an image in my head of Dom standing next to me, then Ronen, and then Ryen, all in a circle. We were happily together.
I felt the spirit impress upon me that I should fast for my husband, Dom, our living, and my children with their progress and education.
I also mentioned wanting to fast for some family members. As I was praying about it, I could feel the spirit whisper to have this fast be focused on my family and what is important with us at this time in our lives.
At first I felt sad for not fasting for my other family members but then I could feel a strong impression from my Father in Heaven that he is taking care of them. He is pouring love on them and is present in their lives.
A Humbling Fast
Throughout the day as I would pray during our Sacrament and “home church” I could feel the spirit impress upon me more that I should be focused on the importance of my family.
During one prayer specifically, before breaking the fast I felt an impression to not take things so seriously. I could feel the spirit wanting me to feel more love for my husband and kids. To enjoy my day with them. Laugh and love with them.
When I walked away with that prayer I wanted to make sure I followed through. I wanted all my time spent with them with the most genuine admiration and love that they are mine. They are important to me and I am grateful to be eternally bound to them.
I felt like my need to fast for other family members was important during the fast. It was humbling for me to see how much I needed to focus on what is happening with us now. What is happening within the walls of our own home.
What are we doing to progress together.
Family Is the Most Important
Over the weekend, as we were driving as a family I shared with everyone in the car, Dom, Ronen, and Ryen that I want our strongest connection and relations to be in our home.
As we are spending time together, let’s make it meaningful. Let’s make our time together filled with happiness.
We are together emotionally, physically, and spiritually, I want to make that important and what matters the most.
What Matters The Most
As I was ending the day with my prayer after fast Sunday I reviewed what I fasted for. I felt another confirmation that it was right.
I could see in my mind again, the image of my family surrounded by me with my husband to my left, Ronen in front of me, and Ryen to my right. The image expanded further as it showed us together in Heaven. My extended family was around me, smiling, in their own circles with their families. We all felt joy and were so happy to be together.
After that prayer I could feel so much more the importance of my fast. My family is what matters most.
To myself, they are the most important.
Follow Through With Your Promptings
As the night went on I started to feel sad. I could feel the adversary working on me. I could feel guilt for not fasting for other things. I could feel the adversary not wanting me to believe family is what matters the most. I felt insecure as a wife, mother, and the purposes I will be bringing to my life.
I could feel myself say over and over in my head, “you are small and weak.” It hurt. It definitely did not feel good and I no longer had the image of my family in my head that was so endearing during the day.
I prayed and cried to my Heavenly Father for relief from these thoughts and my pain. All I could feel was the spirit prompting me multiple times to ask my husband for a blessing.
I wanted to feel important. I wanted to feel like what I was doing and living for with my family was important.
I refused the promptings because I felt guilty for having these thoughts. I felt sad for not believing in my wonderful fast.
The pain grew stronger and I could feel the spirit prompt more firmly to ask for a blessing from Dom.
I asked Dom to give me a hug while I was crying. We were able to talk about my insecurities. He was so compassionate and loving.
He was distraught by my feelings. Before I asked, he offered to give me a blessing. He wanted me to feel the comfort of the Holy Ghost.
A Blessing of Pure Love
While I was still panicking, Dom stood up next to me and gently put his hands on my head. The words he said were so powerful and shocking to my spirit.
One thing he said that was so crucial was him sharing that He loves me, my children love me, but the one that loves me the most, the most important, is Heavenly Father.
Hearing him say those words I could feel how much I needed to hear that Heavenly Father is the most important and He loves me the most.
After my blessing I was so grateful for it. I was so glad that I ended up getting a blessing that I needed to feel that love in my heart.
I needed to hear and understand the love Heavenly Father has for me and ALL of His children.
I thought of my fast and how all of us children are important. He loves all of us individually, the most.
When I felt the need to fast for family members and in return I could feel a prompt that Heavenly Father is taking care of them. He is pouring love on them.
That is what happened to me during my blessing. Heavenly Father was pouring love on me.
He has also provided me with the best love and that is my family. They are the most important to me. They are what matters most. They will always be in that image with me in Heaven.
That is what turned my fast into a self-important fast.
It was important to myself that I knew how much love my Heavenly Father has for me and all of His children.
It was important to myself that I love what is truly important to me in my life, which is, Dom, Ronen, and Ryen.
They are my circle. My life. That is self important, always.