I am a stay at home wife and mother. I homeschool my very smart and beautiful children. I live in such a wonderful home and community. I love that each night I write down my experiences and share some of them each week to connect and relate with all that come across it.
I love that I have these opportunities. They are so enriching in my life and I feel so extremely blessed.
Yet, I found myself on the floor playing legos and blocks with my daughter feeling hopeless.
I thought, “Is this what I really want to be doing with my life? Is this who I am supposed to be right now? What is my calling?”
I sat there trying to play with my daughter without her noticing the tears rolling down my cheeks.
All of these wonderful blessings and opportunities I have and I felt like in that moment they were not “enough.”
What is enough by the way? Is it when you have all the money, all the things, all the glory?
I can at times allow my thoughts to run away from me. I let self doubt and darkness cloud my mind when I don’t stop and look around at what is really wonderful about my life.
I was having my doubts talk to me instead of me talking to my doubts.
After a few moments of feeling sorry for myself, I then thought…”ok, what do I want to do about it?”
What Can We Do About Self Doubt?
I started thinking of plans on how I can contribute more or how I can be the best mom and wife in the world while I juggle everything! No such thing, right?
Why do we do this to ourselves? I am really trying to understand why Satan is so good at wanting to influence our blessings to be our negatives.
After my self doubt, I decided to talk back to my doubts. I wanted to question why I was thinking the way I was.
I first started with a prayer in my heart. I wanted to ask for the spirit to comfort me to speak a little kinder to me and to understand the Lord’s plan for me.
I continued and asked myself…
“Do I want to be at home?”
“Do I want to share my experiences through my podcast and blog?”
“Do I want to homeschool?”
This thought next I am pretty sure was all influenced by the spirit…
“Do you want to continue to grow and take each day at a time building confidence and moving forward with your dreams of connecting through the spirit with others?”
It’s then I felt a wave of love come over my head. I could feel the spirit impress upon my thoughts that the Savior is aware of my struggles and doubts, fully and completely. He knows the temptations that cross my mind. He also knows what I am capable of and my abilities.
It’s when I felt that comfort and love that I started to talk back to those doubts. Amazing how prayer and conversing with the Lord does that! 🙂
I was able to talk myself about all that I am doing each day and what I am working towards in confidence.
I started to applaud my efforts and see how much I am striving to be who I want to become all with the Lord’s grace.
Heavenly Father is very aware of me. And YOU!
The clear thought I had while having my mental breakdown playing with my daughter to mental “build up” was, “you are doing what you are called to do right now. There will be more. Enjoy what you are building and focusing on right now.”
Line upon line, precept upon precept, experience by experience it will all work out and be better than what I can see right now.
Recognizing The Blessings
Even right now is better than where I was at a year ago! I have a house! I have a podcast! I connect with so many amazing people! I am growing because of the love I feel from my Savior.
I know moms, women, and men experience that same moment or many moments of these thoughts where you question where you are at and what you are doing.
I felt peace and comfort knowing that as we are all trying to do our best and contribute our best, we can be instruments in the Lord’s hands. We can give so much of what’s meaningful to us. We can provide service and love to those we come in contact with.
“There is not a trade, profession or calling which cannot be viewed as an opportunity to care for and bless others.”
“I used to think having the right heart must precede action to be of any worth. What I have found instead is that action can lead the heart. Christ’s Sermon on the Mount is a call to action. Do the things asked of HIm, and the heart will follow. The mind can lead the heart. The heart does not always have to go first.”
It took my thoughts and mind to speak to my heart in these dark moments where I can feel like I am not doing “enough” or contributing “enough.”
It was talking to my doubts and being open enough to receive the comfort of the Holy Ghost that I received a beautiful, loving wave of acknowledgement.
Acknowledgment that I am heard. I am noticed. I don’t have to make a lot of money or become famous or build something so huge on earth to do grand things for my family, neighbor, friends, community, and for my Savior.
What I would like to give is my heart.
Right now, my heart is right where it wants to be. More will come.
I’m giving what I want to give right now and I know I will give more. It took a good talking through prayer to remind my heart and mind that.
Speak Kind To Your Heart
I hope you can talk to your thoughts and dreams, rather than your doubts talking to you.
I know the Lord talks to me with love and encouragement to dream and to live with my full purpose of heart.
I was greatly reminded of that through His grace and peace.
Through prayer and a willingness to do the Lord’s will, I believe we will receive answers to prayers on what we can do to better improve our lives.
He is open and willing to share as long as we are open and willing to receive on what to expand and grow.
9. And when they shall have received this, which is expedient that they should have first, to try their faith, and if it shall so be that they shall believe these things then shall the greater things be made manifest unto them.