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At times I can make the outside tasks and “mom criteria” take over my thoughts, rather than trying to get inside my thoughts and understand myself.

I have been feeling a little foggy and fuzzy in not only my thoughts, but my chest for a few days.

I’m trying to run faster than what I can run. 

I want to homeschool. I want to be an amazing wife, mother, friend. I want to clean, make meals, write, do my podcast, and make sure my focus is on Jesus Christ. 

All of these things are admirable to me. I want to do the best I can with each of them.

Are You Trying To Compete With Yourself?

However, after reflecting on a particular day I noticed I was going through the motions of them rather than being present. 

It was when we were getting ready for bed and I was focused on all the things we needed to do. 

We needed to brush teeth, say prayer, read books, sing songs, and cuddle time. (Important things for us 🙂 )

My kids were in their room playing with a drone when we were trying to get those items above completed. 

When I walked in, I couldn’t help but watch the wonder on their faces. They were so amused by this toy. 

Instead of continuing our bedtime routine, I sat down and watched them in their childlike state. It was so fascinating.

I started to think of how much they enjoy all the little things and all the wonders around them.

While watching them, I reflected on how I want to be more present. I hope that I can hunger for curiosity and see the good all around me, like my kids. 🙂

I have been so focused on trying to fill an agenda for myself that it’s overwhelming for my thoughts.

I kept this thought process going and knew I wanted to have an intimate conversation with myself. 

I wanted it on the floor in my kids room while they were laughing and playing with a drone. Great timing but, hey, it worked. 

What Works For Me Might Not Work For You

During this prayer/conversation I would ask what I am really wanting from my day.

How do I want to show up?

Am I enjoying what I am doing day to day?

Answering myself with these questions I had in mind helped me really become one with my thoughts and my spirit. 

It felt like a reset to my brain.

I was connecting with myself and I then was able to refocus on me and the “play time” at the wrong time (bedtime), maybe not, haha…in my kids bedroom.

I focused my attention on my daughter because she wanted to impress all of us on how to use the drone. 

She lit up at what she was doing. She was curious and was eager to keep it in the air.

I marveled at her excitement and I started to feel a deep love and connection for her.

I know that because of the connection and conversation I had with myself I was able to show up the way I wanted to with my daughter. 

I was able to watch her and discover an excitement in her. She wasn’t just playing but she was trying to solve the mystery of the toy.

I remembered how I want to be more present with my kids in what they are experiencing.

Focus On The Now

I want to focus on what is happening in the now with questions like…

How I am feeling?

What are my thoughts?

Is there anything I can do to progress?

It’s amazing how having an intimate relationship with yourself desires more growth and a stronger sense of confidence and love. 

That love doesn’t only emulate in yourself but it shines out of you to others.

For me, it was also a spiritual reboot. I was able to involve the spirit in my conversations. I wanted to think better and invite loving thoughts from the Holy Ghost to keep my thoughts high. 

I believe we are all trying to do it “all” or our best. I know that when we take the time to have compassion and love ourselves we are able to glow and thrive more in our external words and actions. 

Giving your “all” to yourself helps you give more to others.

Beautiful moments and experience. 🙂

About Author

My name is Brianna Marshall. I was born in Dayton, Ohio into a Air Force family. We moved to Colorado Springs, CO when I was 5 years old and lived there till I moved off to College to Orem, Utah in 2007. I was raised into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I'm still actively practicing the same faith today. I graduated from Utah Valley University with a Bachelors in Communications. I was married to my husband Dom in 2010 in the San Diego Temple. Dom and I have two children, one a boy, named Ronen, and a girl, named Ryen. I have been in and out of teaching physical fitness for over 10 years. I love to run and weight lift most days of the week. I also love to do yoga at night to calm me down before bed. I have always had a love for baked goods. My mom made a great dessert every Sunday and made them upon request growing up. I have always been really well at expressing my thoughts and feelings. I love to express a lot of my spiritual feelings with friends and family. As a young girl, I worked really hard to have a great relationship with my Father in Heaven. I have felt His presence from the time I was 8 and currently still feel his love and desire for me to become closer to Him. I desire to be a missionary as well as help others understand His love for all of His children. I find that being friendly, understanding and being compassionate to everyone is the best example of His son, Jesus Christ. I strive to follow His teachings. I also stumble with all of it. I'm so grateful for the atonement and repentance when I'm in need of change of heart and a compassionate spirit. I find life to be so beautiful and I'm grateful everyday for the experiences I have. I am a wife, mother, daughter of God, writer, runner, baker, and an imperfect being striving to be the best me.

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