Everyday, I think about how I can combine my writing with my personal experiences. I want to have spiritual experiences to write about daily. I know I can feel the spirit in a lot of my day. I want the spirit always guiding me and conversing with me. There are times I don’t receive that guidance when I am not being perseptive to the spirit. That happens when I am upset, tired, and sad. I am even more sad for feeling negative feelings because I only want to have good experiences. I also only want to write about the good experiences in my life, especially the spiritual ones.
I had a rough experience this past week. Sunday’s can be overwhelming for me and my kids. I spend the few hours before church cooking, ironing clothes, giving the kids activities to do, and getting us ready for church. During our Sunday routine my children normally want a lot of my attention. It can be overwhelming for them with my frantic attitude.
Ryen wanted my attention while preparing dinner and we both had meltdowns over our wants not being met. I felt guilty for not giving her enough attention and apologized. It felt like the rest of the day had many meltdowns and defeat over not having our needs met. I was very sad because I want to please my children and still have my own uplifting experiences. I want spiritual experiences and I wasn’t having them. After church I had many thoughts about me having nothing spiritual to write about that evening.
As the kids and I were driving down to my parents for dinner, I turned on a conference talk. I needed a spiritual pick me up. The talk was so great. While listening I saw a police car pass me. I thought of an experience I had 10 years ago driving to Colorado to be with my family for the summer. It was my first time driving to my hometown by myself.
I was coming up on a town I don’t remember driving through in the past with my parents. I didn’t know the speed limit and apparently I was going pretty fast. I got pulled over and was so nervous to speak to the police officer because I wasn’t exactly sure if I was speeding or did something else wrong.
I remember the officer walking up to the car and when I rolled down the window, he said to me, “Good morning, how are you doing today?” with a big smile on his face. At first I was annoyed because I thought he would be mad at me. I also thought to myself, “how does he expect me to feel, I just got pulled over?” Haha. I quickly said, “good, is there something wrong?” He calmly and patiently said how fast I was going and would need to issue me a ticket. For the next 20 minutes I sat in the car while he was filling out the information to give me the ticket. It felt odd how positive his attitude was, Haha. I remember driving away thinking of his positivity and his kindness.
I was reviewing this experience from 10 years ago to the experience I had driving to my moms for dinner on Sunday. I thought about how I want to be like that police officer as a mom and a writer. In the difficult times I want to be a positive enforcer for good. I want good, spiritual experiences. I want to be in control of my thoughts and to be genuinely happy.
That experience getting pulled over taught me that when we “feel” like we are supposed to have negative emotions in a difficult situation, that it’s important to be in control of your thoughts or emotions. Like, the police officer could have been really upset with how fast I was going but he was still kind and professional. Like, my kids having meltdowns to get attention for love and affection. In the moment of both of these situations I was annoyed at first and later on realized that I can also be loving, kind, and choose to feel good in stressful moments.
That’s how I want to be in what I’m writing. I want to express during my weaknesses how I handled it with the spirit guiding me and with positive thoughts.
I want my writing to be spiritually uplifting and an influence for good. The police officer had a happy demeanor, but still helped me realize I needed to be aware of my actions. The spirit also has a loving and happy demeanor and helps me be aware of my actions. I will always have experiences that test me but will be for my better good.
I experienced these feelings a good thoughts while driving to my moms. It reminded me why I wanted to keep writing even when the day doesn’t feel good enough to write. I just want to express my thoughts in writing for spiritual upliftment or positive experiences. And I felt spiritually uplifted after a day of not feeling like I had them.