My Affliction Coming To Light
“Dom, I feel like a small piece of glass that has been dropped on the floor, my spirit is so fragile right now.”
I shared this with my husband a few days ago and my affliction came to light.
For every difficult experience or trial I have had to face that being a difficult day with the kids, maybe having an argument with my husband, or feeling the attack of Satan when I drown myself in sad thoughts.
This past weekend became awakening for me as I realized how fragile my spirit has been.
Carrying The World On Our Shoulders
When I discussed this with my husband I started to cry so hard that I felt so alone. I felt in a dark place. I felt like all the worst things that could come to my mind, did.
Dom was doing his best to comfort me and I appreciated it. What I needed at that moment was a light. A light to give me hope and comfort that I don’t have to carry the world’s problems. I don’t have to carry the problems of the ones I love. I can be there for them, share my love, and still love me, and be my best cheerleader.
While praying and crying my heart out to the Lord, my fear of being alone was no longer there. I could feel the spirit comforting and sharing good thoughts into my mind.
I felt courage to keep thinking better thoughts and allow the Lord to comfort and lift me up with His love and light.
I was then reminded of Nephi in The Book Of Mormon.
When Nephi was commanded to build a ship with his brothers, his brothers murmured and wanted to refuse.
When they did build the ship and were set out to travel to the promised land with the direction of the Liahona and the Lord, the brothers started to boast in their accomplishments and desired to be “merry” and lift up in “rudeness.”
When Nephi reminded them of their blessings and guidance of the Lord and not to live in iniquity, his brothers were so upset they tied him to the ship for days.
In the days he was tied to the ship there were storms and their families became sick.
When Nephi’s brother’s realized their iniquities and rebellion against their brother was the cause of the storm and the Liahona not working, they repented and untied him.
What I love about this story is that Nephi was patient in his affliction. His body was sore and weak from being tied to the boat. His heart was sad for his brothers. He loved them and wanted them to choose the right and repent to the Lord.
The scripture that I love is…
16. Nevertheless, I did look unto my God, and I did praise him all the day long; and I did not murmur against the Lord because of mine afflictions.
I thought of this story and scripture in the midst of my pain and suffering.
Some of our storms and afflictions can last hours, days, weeks, months, or even years.
One thing I have learned in all of my afflictions is that my Lord is always with me. He is the bright light at the end of the tunnel.
I praise Him and He has yet to leave me without comfort.
18. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
I believe this to be true. I have seen it time and time again. Even when I have felt like I was alone and no one could understand my heart ache or sorrow. Jesus Christ is there everytime, in those silver linings, in those moments of comfort from angels, from the love of family, from scripture study, and my very favorite thing to do…prayer.
He is there and continues to be.
Coming into General Conference weekend with this experience and sorrow I knew that I would gain something out of a talk from our church leaders.
I came into Conference desiring to leave with a stronger connection with my spirit. I desired to believe the comfort and promptings of the Holy Ghost when I received them.
My favorite session of General Conference was all of Sunday. It was like all singing and Aha moments to my heart.
I wish I could quote all of Jeffrey R Holland’s talk but I will link it for you, instead. 🙂
In his talk he shared how so many of us ask for a sin free, sorrow free, pain free life. We want to believe in Jesus Christ and His teachings but not apply the Atonement that was given to us through the suffering and love of Christ.
In our lives we plead to not be given sorrow or pain. We desire a faith filled life but also stress free.
We are denying that beautiful devine love and gift from our Savior to turn to Him, to use the Atonement and become better. To feel the joy after some pain.
My favorite thing Elder Holland said was, “christianity is comforting, but often not comfortable.”
As I listened to these rushing words that flowed into my heart I felt so much relief. I felt so much peace. Peace after feeling so weighed down with sorrow from my heart ache that I chose to keep me in slums.
Keep Turning To Faith
I forgot about that beautiful gift that was given for me and you to have us striving to become better and keep turning to Jesus Christ for more faith and more growth.
I started to see the blessings. The blessings of every time I felt alone and in a dark place.
The blessings are always being able to kneel in prayer and feel the comfort of my Heavenly Father.
The blessing of knowing Jesus Christ is compassionate and graceful to my suffering. He has suffered my sadness and so much more.
The blessing of having a wonderful husband that gives me blessings at any time due to his priesthood worthiness.
The blessing of children that are full of pure love and light.
The blessing of the Holy Ghost within me that gives me hope and light on turning to my Savior.
The Holy Ghost is such a great companion and best friend to me. I believe it’s my better half.
I am not free from my afflictions but I know that the Lord will be with me through all of them, because He has and always will be.
I Praise Him For Being Him
I praise Him for His divine love and comfort to help me see the light. I praise Him for helping me change my heart and desire to be better. To have more compassion and love for others.
I felt His comfort in this thought, “Bri, I hope you know that you can love all people, have compassion for them, and bear their burdens for some time, but allow me to carry their burdens as I carry yours, have mercy on others as I have on mercy on you. Desire to serve, show love and compassion to everyone, including yourself. You strive to be your best. Love who you are becoming along the way. I am always near.”
I cannot tell you how much this personal experience of mine, studying the scriptures, and General Conference brought so much light and hope to my heart.
I might experience that feeling of being broken glass but I know with the Lord I can be repaired.
Our sweet spirits are strong and are able to handle the pains and sorrows of this life.
I praise my Lord for His mercy and grace to keep repairing me, comforting me, and His gift of divine love.
He is the light and will bring all of us out of the dark. The darkness only lasts for a small moment with Him by our side.